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Nine common phrases that drive couples apart & what to say instead.
1. You’re such a nag.
Instead say, “I feel picked on and judged”
2. You are smothering me.
Choose, to say, “I feel overwhelmed, and need some space”
3. You are distant.
Another way to say it is, “I am physically in the room with you and I feel lonely.”
4. The world revolves around you.
Change to, “I feel I can’t trust you will respond in a safe way for me.”
5. You are selfish.
An alternative is,” I’m sad when I feel you don’t value me.”
6. You don’t like being physical anymore.
Try, “I’m feeling sad we don’t have as much physicality in our relationship as in the past.”
7. You don’t love me.
Switch to, “I feel unloved by you, when you (i.e. yell at me).
8. Other people like me, why don’t you?
Try instead, “I feel you don’t like me when you (i.e. won’t talk with me).
9.You make me feel bad.
Try changing it to, “I feel bad when you” (i.e. call me names).
As you can clearly see, the general tool you can use to help you communicate in a safer way for your partner is to change “you” statements to “I feel, when you do….” statements.