If you’re looking for betting advice for the 2021 Kentucky Derby,
you have come to the wrong place.
Kentucky Derby is May 1st.
What I’m here to do is to continue a tradition here at For The Win,
and that’s to rank the horses contending for the win at
Churchill Downs based on their names,
which is how I — and many casual bettors — pick out their favorite thoroughbred.
What’s the criteria? Some combination of prestige, originality, and … well,
it’s got to sound like a good horse name.
Basically, it’s extremely unscientific and we like to have some fun here.
So here’s our sixth annual edition of this list:
20. Helium
Too light
19. Keepmeinmind
Would it be so wrong to separate this name with spaces?
18. Like the King
If it was an actual king and not “like” a king, I might feel differently.
17. Highly Motivated
That’s nice that this horse might be highly motivated to win.
But I’d rather bet on Really Athletic.
16. Known Agenda
If we know the agenda, there’s no excitement and mystery, right?
15. Super Stock
Feels like a broker called me up and was like, “THIS IS A SUPER STOCK,
BUY BUY BUY!” Would you wager money on that? I thought so.
14. Rock Your World
Similar concept here. I don’t believe someone who claims to rock worlds.
13. Sainthood
I want a horse that can get down and get muddy, not necessarily a saint.
12. O Besos
Besos are kisses in Spanish. Romantic, but this race is a battle, not love
11. Dynamic One
We’re getting a little closer to the better names, and this one is just OK.
How about Really Fast One?
10. Hidden Stash
See? There’s some mystery here!
9. MEDINA SPIRIT THE ACTUAL WINNER!!!!
I like this one but there are better names ahead.
8. Mandaloun
Did you know a Mandaloun is a type of ornate window?
When I learn something new, I like the name more!
7. Bourbonic
Bourbon is delicious. Automatically a great name.
6. Midnight Bourbon
Bourbon at midnight? Even better!
5. Essential Quality
Obviously a good horse name for the favorite — love those two-word phrases,
“essential” makes it feel important. But there’s better!
4. Brooklyn Strong
My New York bias is here in full force. Brooklyn rules.
3. Soup and Sandwich
If George Costanza was naming a horse, this would be it.
“You ready, Jerry? Soup. And. Sandwich. It’s perfect, Jerry.
What goes better together than a soup and a sandwich?
And it’s a great deal! Everyone loves paying for the soup and sandwich at lunch.
Who wouldn’t bet on a horse named Soup and Sandwich?”
2. King Fury
Not only does it sound like a tough, scary thoroughbred that other horses will fear,
but it’s named after boxer Tyson Fury. Near-perfect.
1. Hot Rod Charlie
It’s my list, so of course this is the best name by a nose.
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