Laurie Blog

Funny Marriage Tweets to Get You Through the Week

Chiang Mai, Thailand - Oct.18,2019: Woman Holding Xiaomi Mi Mix
nopparat.k \BigStock

Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between.

And somehow the spouses of Twitter continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life ― and sum it up perfectly in no more than 280 characters.

DOCTOR: How did you manage to pull a muscle in your neck, back and leg?
ME: No idea
WIFE: He was trying to roundhouse kick a bee
*sees scattered rose petals*
DATING: You’re…You’re so romantic.
MARRIED: You’re…You’re going to clean this up, right?
I don’t know whose husband needs to hear this 
But there is a door in the bottom of the toaster so you can dump the crumbs out.
My husband and I exchanged Valentine’s Day cards 2 days ago in the card aisle at Target
and then returned them to the shelf because
we’d rather purchase Valentine’s Day cannolis.
Dadman Walking
my wife just apologized on the phone for me having to continue to be ALONE in the house tonight until she and the kids get home later like she still doesn’t know what makes an introvert happy.

More fun texts: HERE

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