I think that if most parents had to define their relationship with Santa it would definitely be a very Facebook-like “It’s Complicated”. These tweets prove that it might be even worse than a lot of us think!
The 4 year old just asked if we could write her letter to #Santa when we get home. 🎅🏻
It’s going to be a long 10 months 🙈
— New Mummy Blog (@NewMummyBlog) February 27, 2019
I bet Santa has 3 lists now:
Naughty, nice, and people who've left him healthy snacks instead of cookies.
— WhatserName™ (@IamEveryDayPpl) December 7, 2018
HUSBAND: What should Santa get you for Christmas?
ME: A tennis ball machine filled with mini donuts?
HUSBAND: Powdered or chocolate?
ME: I love you.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) December 24, 2018
I think my daughter is starting to take a dim view of Santa because she's asking things like "can the elves leave if they want" and "does he help make toys or does he just sit there"
— Melvin of York (@MelvinofYork) December 25, 2018
SANTA: *sees presents under Christmas tree already* what the? someone beat me to it[a light glows in the corner]
ALEXA: what’s the matter, old sprite, not in your… prime?
— clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) December 25, 2018
what forbidden atrocity did Santa Clause commit to be cursed to have to drink 500,000,000 glasses of warm milk in one night every year for eternity?
— paperwash© (@PaperWash) December 24, 2017
6-year-old: Santa's not real.
Me: That's right.
6: So I can be bad.
Me: That's wrong.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 20, 2018
My toddler saw Santa for the 2nd time this season and when he asked her what she wanted for Christmas, she quit smiling, looked him dead in the eye, and told him, “I already told you”. And that was the moment I realized that I’m going to have to get so much better at lying.
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) December 16, 2018
Secret Santa is very disappointing if you’re self-employed.
— David Schneider (@davidschneider) December 13, 2018
A colleague has just been fired from work and someone else put their hand up and asked how it would affect the Secret Santa
— g0_f1sh (@g0_f1sh) December 12, 2018
santa: make me a hundred thousand PlayStations
elf: *holding only a hammer* how
— dustin Couch (@Dustinkcouch) December 5, 2018
Santa Claus: I bring presents to children around the world.
Easter Bunny: I bring children baskets of candy.
Tooth Fairy: I collect human teeth.
*others back away*
— John Lyon (@JohnLyonTweets) August 22, 2018
ME: so basically it's like the batsignal except it's the golden arches so you know when the mcrib is back
SANTA: please get off my lap
— podcasto,,,PODCASTO, , (@hippieswordfish) August 11, 2015
[young Santa Claus's dating profile] looking for a girl who loves snow, living in perpetual darkness and cooking for thousands of elf slaves
— wylde de beest (@flashember) November 27, 2016
I feel so stupid for believing in Santa Claus. How did I not realize this whole time it was my parents delivering the gifts to everyone in the world
— Blue Guy (@frogshack) December 25, 2017
*hands envelope to Santa*
I trust you’ll remember this donation to your toy factory when you’re deciding which list I belong on.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) November 30, 2017
I’m starting to suspect the Christmas tradition of the kids cleaning the house for Santa while the parents nap is just something my parents made up.
— John Lyon (@JohnLyonTweets) November 17, 2017