My friend Maria sent these along, and a few more. But for the sake of decency (this IS the Warm website after all) I had to edit. :-)
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAÏVE
2. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? If a dog gets off a cruise ship, does it disemBARK? (Okay, that one is a stretch)
3. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
4. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
5. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
6. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
7. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
8. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
9. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
10. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .....they're cramming for their final exam.
11. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
12. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? (political office)
13. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
14. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
15. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
16. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?