Consider us your guide for all things relationship-py! We want your relationships to succeed……not only to succeed, but to thrive and one surefire way to thwart that is to say any of these to the mother of your child…… (take notes):
1. Can I Get a Little Privacy Here?
Don’t you dare go there.
2. That’s a Mom’s Job.
Unless you’re talking about breastfeeding, don’t even try that.
3. What Did You Do All Day?
Ask and you shall receive: “First I changed a diaper and bed sheets, and cleaned a wall that was smeared with poop. Then I did a load of laundry and had to get stains out of the carpet. That was followed by a negotiation over morning TV. Then I made eggs and got breakfast ready, all while answering endless questions. Then I changed another diaper. Then I cleaned the dishes, dining table, and basically the whole kitchen. And that was all before 7 a.m. . . .”
4. Oh, Another Crockpot Meal?
5. You Look Tired.
Thanks, honey. That was exactly the look I was going for.
6. Stop Worrying!
I’ll stop worrying when you stop thinking about sex. Deal?
7. Where Is the/My _____ ?
Moms have to keep track of nearly everything under the roof, and dads often forget that moms spend a good majority of time looking for stuff for other people.
8. Our Kids Need to Be Better Disciplined.
Do they? Stay-at-home moms might find the most offense on this one, because discipline often defaults to them. So when daddy questions why they are not well-behaved, it can be a little jarring.
9. Why Didn’t You ____ ?
Why didn’t you get the car washed? Make that dentist appointment? Call my mother? Please don’t worry about our to-do lists, because sometimes we’re too busy with all that pesky raising-a-child stuff.
10. She’s Fine!
Mamas tend to overanalyze every little issue surrounding their child, and often dad is the much-needed ear we need to vent upon, but nothing irks us more than after we’ve dished out our concerns over something related to our child and he responds, “She’s fine!”